Drugs and Alcohol in High School from a Parents Perspective
In this class, we have talked about drugs and alcohol a lot from our perspective. However, one topic that I would like to explore more is what is it like from a parent's perspective. I found a story online about a mom who found out her daughter was an alcoholic, and the mom felt terrible. She states, "I felt anger, ashamed confused, hopeless, and alone. I wanted to hide and did not want to socialize with friends." Obviously, her daughter's addiction not only affected her but the mother as well. Although we are not parents as of yet, with drugs such as weed becoming more and more easy to access, I can only imagine that there has been an increase in teen usage. Furthermore, as stated in previous blog posts, there is a good percentage of teens that drink alcohol, and an alarming percentage of teens that have either been in a car with a drunk driver or have been driving while drunk themselves. This is obviously something that parents would like to prevent from happening as much as possible.
How do we as possible future parents help to ensure that our kids won't become addicted to drugs? Should parents try to find a balance between being too strict on their kids and allowing their kids to experiment in high school to find their limits before heading off to college? Is there such a thing as being too strict of a parent when it comes to drugs and alcohol? What rules should parents have regarding these things? How should parents prevent their kids from getting in a car with a drunk driver or driving drunk themselves? Should they offer their kids free users to bring them home safely and not punish them for drinking, and if so, does this encourage teens to drink knowing that they have a safe way home?
Here is the link to the story for those who are interested:
https://www.marylandaddictionrecovery.com/addiction-from-parents-perspective
How do we as possible future parents help to ensure that our kids won't become addicted to drugs? Should parents try to find a balance between being too strict on their kids and allowing their kids to experiment in high school to find their limits before heading off to college? Is there such a thing as being too strict of a parent when it comes to drugs and alcohol? What rules should parents have regarding these things? How should parents prevent their kids from getting in a car with a drunk driver or driving drunk themselves? Should they offer their kids free users to bring them home safely and not punish them for drinking, and if so, does this encourage teens to drink knowing that they have a safe way home?
Here is the link to the story for those who are interested:
https://www.marylandaddictionrecovery.com/addiction-from-parents-perspective
Because I’m not actually a parent and don’t know anything about being a parent or what that entails, I find this blog post slightly difficult to answer. I feel like people our age tend to say things like “when I have kids I’m gonna be so cool and they’re going to love me for that,” but I feel like a lot of how people parent is based off of how their parents raised them. Sp that being said, I definitely think the whole strictness level is a case-by-case thing. In fact, I feel like almost everything is a case-by-case thing. For the car thing, a lot of people brought this up last week but now that uber is a thing, people, at least at Poly and that I’m aware of, don’t drink and drive. Again, I feel like this is a difficult question to answer because some of the most formative years of my life are coming up and my values and morals are probably going to change. Thus, I don’t know how I will want to handle certain situations. All of this being said, I’m sure dealing with a child who has addiction would be really heartbreaking, and I’m sure that if I decide to become a parent I would do whatever I could to prevent that from happening.
ReplyDeleteAs Sophie said, I think it’s hard to say exactly how I would react to certain situations with future children because I don’t know a lot about the intricacies of being a parent. I do know that often times people who had really strict parents or ones that held them in a lot will end up being somewhat of the opposite with their kids, but they’re also often aware of the fact that too much freedom can lead to too much usage of alcohol/drugs. I think the most important thing to note in being a parent is that children get a lot of your traits from you and thus it’s important to lead by example. If a parent often drinks a lot and then drives immediately after or is seen drinking frequently it can lead to kids thinking they can do the same thing without any harm. I think that every parent should have the ability to make their own rules, but I would say that too strict of rules often leads to children lashing out in some sort of way and doing the exact opposite of what their parents want.
ReplyDeleteAs has been mentioned, I think it's hard to understand the mindset of a parent when I'm so far removed from that world. That said, I think that I have ideas about what I would like to tell/teach my kids about drugs and alcohol and that honestly I feel like I am old and mature enough now to understand the ways in which what I was exposed to by my parents was either helpful or not to the way I understand the risks associated with drinking/drugs. Personally, I think the way my parents raised me in regards to learning about/talking about drinking/drugs was really effective. I don't even know if it was their intention (I'm sure it was now that I think about it) but they never shut down conversations of that topic and honestly encouraged safe experimentation as long as I was educated about the risks. But that's just my parents! I think there are many different ways to parent and that there isn't a hard right or wrong (unless, of course, in some circumstances)
ReplyDeleteKind of contrary to Sophie's point, I honestly don't think my values and morals will change that drastically ( and if they do then I think that says something about the kind of person I am) in college and beyond. I feel like I know myself pretty well at this point, and while I am sure to experience all sorts of change after high school, I feel pretty confident that I will, for the most part, stay authentic to myself. That sounds really cheesy haha but it's honestly true!
I think my attitude towards drugs and alcohol will continue to change as I go through college. During those four undergraduate years, I believe these are some of the most transformative years where we are truly independent. We will now have almost full autonomy over our decisions; therefore, I think my relationship towards drugs and alcohol will inevitably change. As Sophie and Lux noted, I really don't think we really do know how we'll treat substance abuse as potential parents. There are just too many factors to take into account. I believe experiences will continue to change opinions, so what I think I know I believe in now will continue to change throughout my whole life. In response to Rachel, I think staying authentic to yourself isn't necessarily going to be the same as it is today as it is in twenty years.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Harry about my attitude changing. I don't want to jump to any conclusive type judgements surrounding my parenting choices until I finish growing myself. College, and even post college, will help me navigate drug usage as well as alcohol and I think by then when I decide I am "worthy" enough to become a parent, I will have the necessary tools to parent my children. Then I can implement certain ideas and rules.
ReplyDeleteI want to be a father so I can embarrass my kids hahaha... probably not tho idk. I think I will use the same parenting methods that I grew up with from my parents. Not strict, they just want me to be safe, in other words, my kids should know their limits and make decisions that are not dangerous or harmful; however, experimenting in my opinion is okay and in fact should be encouraged (to an extent). no meth or anything haha.
Like what’s been stated, we don’t actually know how we will be as parents; however, just from my experience growing up, I know that I don’t want to be an overly strict parent who preaches abstinence. This kind of “teaching” never works and if anything, actually misinforms young adults who are entering a “drinking culture” in high school or college. I would probably educate my kids more about the effects of alcohol and drugs as well as the best way to approach situations containing these substances. For example, I would want to make sure my child has an uber/lyft app and knows to use it whenever they’ve been drinking and/or using drugs.
ReplyDeleteAlso I would want to have a close relationship with my child because alcoholism and drug abuse can indicate a deeper issue, not necessarily just because they drink/use drugs at parties. I know genetics play a role into alcoholism; however, so does stress, mental illnesses, and trauma. Having a close relationship with my kids where we can talk about these issues without any stigmas is probably, in my opinion, the best way to raise children.
When my kids are grown and are at a point when they get curious about drugs and alcohol, while I won’t necessarily condone it, I don’t want them to feel like they have to hide anything from me. My parents and I are very open with each other when it comes to talking about this stuff and I honestly feel like that has allowed me to have a healthier relationship with drugs/alcohol. I don’t really feel like I have to hide stuff from them and while I would never actively pursue having them see me or a friend incapacitated in anyway because of drugs/alcohol, I do not feel uncomfortable talking about that sort of thing with them especially if it means that I am safe or I will be safer because of those conversations. I hope to one day foster the exact same relationship with my children. I know, growing up, my sister did not feel comfortable sharing that kind of thing with my parents and her being the older child, I don’t really think they felt comfortable talking about drugs and alcohol with her either- and it sort of stopped them from being close. I would never want my children to feel like they couldn’t tell me anything because they thought I would be mad or uncomfortable- I would rather they talk to me about things than have it come back and hurt them later (because they were misinformed or not practicing good/safe habits).
ReplyDeleteI would guess that one of the most important barriers to addiction is good communication between families. And as with most things, finding a medium between two extremes (in this case, keeping your kids on house arrest throughout high school and allowing them to drink as much and as often as they want) is also vital. One big thing (that we’ve been mentioning during our round ups lately) is that parents lose moral authority when they’re seen participating in the same behaviors that they expect us to avoid at all costs (namely, driving after drinking). I understand that there’s a clear generational gap, but I don’t think that excuses how illogical that expectation is. Even so, I do think that our generation does a pretty good job of not drinking and driving, so the increased awareness of how dangerous that is has definitely made a societal difference. Lastly, I think it would be incorrect for parents to assume that setting up a safe ride home would encourage kids to drink more. It seems to me more like people drink and have a good time before they start to think about/figure out how they’re getting home after a party.
ReplyDeleteTo help our kids not become addicted drugs we need to make sure to be present in our children's lives in order to learn what is bothering them. It would also be beneficial to read up on the new types of drugs and devices that will be used and educate our children so they will not be as susceptible to products such as nicotine which seems to be taking over our generation.
ReplyDeleteBased on what my parents have told me about drug and alcohol use when they were in high school, it seems like teenagers then were far more careless in terms of safety, for example, driving while under the influence. Weed is definitely far more mainstream in high school now than it was then (my parents described users as heavily stigmatized at their schools), but on the other hand, high school students now, or at least in our community, are far less likely to drive drunk. My parents' attitudes towards drugs and alcohol were moderately effective with me and my brother. They never discussed usage with either of us until a year or so ago, which wasn't ideal, but are now completely open to discussing it with us. It's important not to wait until drugs and alcohol become immediately relevant in your kids' lives before seriously talking about it - it should start earlier...but not too early. It really depends on your kids and their situation. Certainly before high school. As a parent you're in a really difficult position in terms of determining whether or not to condone usage, or whether or not to punish your kids for breaking your rules and the law. We'll have to see what cultural shifts happen by the time we're of parental age and navigate them then.
ReplyDeleteIn my mother's perspective alcohol is a substance that should only be consumed by people above the age of 21. She is very strict and judgmental regarding underage drinking, even if it's with family members. My father's perspective differs from hers just because he believes you should drink responsibly if you have a drink and that it's okay to try it before going off to college. My dad and I don't drink together, but our conversations surround liquor are not awkward. I just try to avoid talking to my mom about liquor because the conversation almost turns into an interrogation session. Based off of their different opinions, I would assume that in high school my mother did not get close to drinking or drugs, but I think that might have just been her own personal decision because my aunt is always talking about how drinking with family is fine and offering me drinks at family dinners or just when I see her. As far as what my dad did in high school I'm not sure; I don't think he drank much in high school if he did, but I think his siblings did.
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